


Death Becomes Him

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-21
Updated: 2012-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-16 23:26:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3506648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remember Pickles’s really cool coffin?  Well it’s getting used.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death Becomes Him

Six hooded gears walked in, bearing the large coffin between them. It gleamed, highly polished birch with a mahogany lid, which didn’t really go together at all but at least mismatched in brutal way. They placed it gently on the platform (heavy-duty sawhorses draped in black sheets) and stepped back.  
“Anything else, My Lords?” The one who seemed to be in charge inquired.   
Nathan pointed to the door. “No, leave us.”  
They filed out, leaving the four band members alone with the coffin.

The heavy coffin shone quietly under the lights, the odd engine that Pickles had requested was mostly polished and chromed, a hunk of pretty metal on one end.  
Nathan stepped forward and opened the lid, exposing the red silk lining and peering inside.  
“How’sch he look?”  
“Uh, like he’s just sleeping?”  
Murderface stepped up to see for himself. “He looksch scho natural. That’sch what you’re schupposched to schay, right?”

“Yeah, thet’s what yer sp’osed ta say.” Pickles reached into the mini bar and grabbed a tiny bottle. “An’ stuff like ‘he had a good life’, thet kinda crap.”  
“Right, right. He had a good life, yeah. Hey Skwisgaar, aren’t you going to say anything?”  
“No, dis ams bullshits. Fucksing stupids.”  
“Schwisgaar, don’t be a dick, be a dude.”  
Skwisgaar flipped him off and stayed where he was.

Pickles was looking closer. “Is it pass’ble he’s jest asleep?”  
“Uh, no. He’s not asleep.”  
“I’m jest sayin’ he _could_ be...”  
Murderface patted him on the shoulder. “Picklesch, we jusht have to accept that he’sch gone.” He kept patting.  
“Yer bein’ kinda gay, dude.” Pickles sidestepped out from under the hand.

Nathan was looking closer. “What if Pickles is right and he really is actually asleep?”   
“Oh for fucks sakes...” Skwisgaar finally stepped up, gazing down at Toki where he lay so still on the red silk. “He amn’ts asleeps.” Reaching into the coffin, he poked Toki in the ribs repeatedly.  
“Schtop that, what’sch _wrong_ with you?!”  
“Oh, lots of t’ings.” He kept poking until Murderface grabbed his arm and made him stop.

“Now we talk about, um... Just say stuff I guess. Toki, you were kind of brutal sometimes? Yeah. Even if you did dumb gay stuff too.”  
Pickles helped himself to more of the mini bar, it was his damn mini bar anyway. “Cheers. I’m nawt good at this crap.”  
“It’sch the thought that countsch.” Murderface tried to pat again, but Pickles evaded his hand. “Toki, you were a good pal. You made fun of me lessch than thesche asscholes.”

“Pfft, fucks dis shit.” Skwisgaar leaned over the coffin, and to everyone’s horror, kissed Toki. Not just a little kiss either, or a short one.  
“ _Eeew_ , git aff him, you crazy necro!”  
“Wow, that’s just really wrong.”  
Once again though, it was Murderface who pulled him away. “I can’t believe you juscht did that!” Skwisgaar allowed himself to be shoved back several steps. 

Pickles looked in the coffin and started laughing. “Well dude, yer shure as feck nawt Prince Charming! It didn’t werk.”  
Nathan pulled out his recorder. “Not to self: Never, _never_ die around Skwisgaar.” He dropped it back in his pocket. “Are we done here? I think we’re done here.”  
“Yeah, close it. Wait! Lemme git another drink first...” Pickles grabbed one, and then Nathan gently lowered the lid.  
“Farewell, Toki, we’ll missch you.”

There was a moment of silence, then some muffled thumps came from the coffin. Nathan opened the lid agin, and Toki sat up. “Well that was funs, who wants to be deads next?”  
“Dude, ya were _awesome_! I can’t believe ya managed nawt ta react when he kissed ya!”  
Murderface sulked. “I don’t want to be dead if Schwisgaar’sch going to keep kissching people, that’sch gay.”  
“Pfft, you ams jus’ wishing I woulds kisses you.”  
“Wait, did you kiss him because he’s Toki or because he was dead?” Nathan frowned. “Actually, I don’t think I want to know.”

“I’ll be dead tamorrow,” Pickles volunteered. “An’ no drinkin’ my booze while I can’t stawp ya, okie? An’ Skwisgaar, don’t kiss me.”  
“Ja, okays. Ams we done here?”  
“Yeah, jest one more thing. How was it, Toki? Was it comfort’ble?”  
“Oh yeah, verys! So softs, I could sleeps in it... Hey, cans I sleeps in it?”  
“Uh, no. That lid’s really heavy and you could get trapped and hamburger time for real.”

The gears returned to remove the coffin, because getting carried in was part of the whole scene. They left the platform set up though.  
It was dinner time, so they all wandered toward the food.  
“Skwisgaar, you just waits til it’s you’s turn to be deads, I’s goings to gets you back for that.”  
“Oh goods, somet’ing to be looksing forwards to.”  
“That’s supposed to be a threats!”  
“I knows, Toki, I knows.”


End file.
